Blame
by bored bisexual
Summary: When romantic feelings are thrown into the mix, Maya finds it a lot easier to place blame in random places than to acknowledge that she's slowly breaking down. Maya x Riley, side Lucas x Riley.
Maya loves Riley. Riley loves Maya. It's always been that way.

But one day Maya is suddenly looking at Riley different. She doesn't know what it means, she just knows that it feels different. Maybe Riley feels it, too, but the brunette is too busy staring at Ranger Rick to discuss it, anyway. Maya just decides to ignore it, blaming it on growing up.

She also ignores it when she realizes she's constantly looking at Riley. No, not looking - admiring. Maya is obsessing over aspects of Riley's appearance in what is undeniably an unhealthy way. Maya is addicted to the way Riley's doe-eyes slightly change in sparkle as her mood varies. Or is it the way she crinkles her eye-lids? Riley's head-tilts make Maya dizzy and the blonde finds herself wanting to run her fingers through her best friend's hair. Obviously, it's not normal to stare at your best friend _that_ much, but Maya blames it on being jealous of Riley's looks.

Seeing Riley talk to Lucas drives Maya mad. He gets too close to Riley and Maya just wants to scream, "Get a room." Farkle even jokingly waves his hands at Maya as if she's on fire. She feels like she's on fire. Most of Riley and Maya's conversations are based around how cute Lucas is. Maya can't hide her disgust and when Riley asks Maya what her problem with Lucas is, she blames it on feeling protective over her best friend.

Maya can't ignore it when she feels an unbearable desire to wrap Riley in her arms when they're sharing a bed one night. They usually share, but this time it's different because Maya can't control herself. Maya's scared Riley will freak out, but she knows her best friend is already asleep. Besides, if they wake up embraced, Maya can accuse Riley of being grabby. Many best friends cuddle, anyway. Maya manages to rid herself of guilt and scoots closer to Riley, spooning her from behind. Riley doesn't stir as Maya wraps her arms around her, but Maya knows regardless that she needs to stop ignoring the situation.

Riley is confused when Maya leaves around noon since they usually spend the entire weekend together, but the blonde needs to sort out stuff alone. When she gets home, she sits in front of her mom's old mirror and has a staring contest with herself. Maya has never been the kind of girl who tries to get in touch with her feelings and doesn't know how to start, so she just kind of jokingly blurts out, "Are you a flaming homosexual?"

Maya immediately turns beet red and coughs, embarrassed, even though she's completely alone. She can't believe she let that leave her mouth. She wants to take it back, but she can't. As she lets the word sit on her mind and tongue, she realizes there is no way she can deny it: Maya is definitely attracted to Riley.

It doesn't mean she can't ignore it and be with a guy, right? She finds Lucas cute, right? Well, so is a bunny, but it doesn't mean there aren't guys out there she finds hot. Farkle is… no. Chris Pine is appealing. Okay, okay - maybe guys aren't for her - but she can still handle this.

But Maya cannot handle this. She quickly learns this as Riley forces her to sit on her window sill next to her after Maya returns. Riley tells her that she's been acting differently and needs to stop keeping secrets from her best friend. Maya can barely hear Riley over the buzzing in her ears and definitely can't convince words to come out. Instead, Maya just cries, which really freaks Riley out. Riley begs Maya to tell her what is wrong, begs her to let her help.

Somewhere in all the fuss, Maya becomes so overwhelmed that she just lurches forward and kisses Riley. Both of them turn paper white and silent as Maya quickly pulls back. She's shocked she let herself do that and completely heartbroken, knowing Riley is going to politely reject her and their friendship will continue on in a much more awkward and broken version. After ten minutes of them just sitting there, shaking, Maya squeaks out an apology and Riley's head snaps up.

"Maya, it's okay. Everything is fine," Riley tells her. Riley makes Maya change into warm pajamas with her before they go into the kitchen together for dinner. Riley's parents look curious of the girls wearing pjs so early, but when they notice that both of them have tear tracks, they decide against asking questions. After dinner, the girls retreat into Riley's bed, lying further from each other than usual yet still facing each other. Maya is once again stuck in a staring contest.

Suddenly, Riley is crawling closer and Maya feels lips on her own again. Both let their eyes slip closed and stay there kissing, even though it's just a simple peck. A minute passes until Riley relaxes from her perched up position. Riley is the one that initiates the cuddling this time.

Maya doesn't know what she expects in the morning. Whatever it is, it doesn't happen. Riley acts as if nothing from last night ever happened. Maya half wonders if it was a dream. Dream or not, Maya follows Riley's hint and doesn't mention anything. Maya realizes Riley probably just felt lonely last night and this is Riley giving her a way out to allow things to be normal. Riley confirms Maya's suspicions about her being lonely as she rants about Lucas the entire day.

That's why when Riley climbs on top of her that night, she's surprised. Riley pecks her on the lips as if it's natural and returns to her place in Maya's arms from last night. Maya is starting to understand term 'friends with benefits' and can't decide if this is good or bad for her.

Maya returns to her own place to sleep Monday night. She finds it difficult to sleep, but it's a relief to take a break from the emotions wrapped around Riley.

At school Tuesday, Riley demands that Maya sleeps over that night, but not without sandwiching it between what Lucas said to her or how he breathed. Maya is beginning to really hate Lucas. She doesn't understand where he's supposed to stand in all of this. Maya and Riley obviously have a deep emotional bond and Riley is showing a more… romantic interest in her, so why hasn't Riley given up on Lucas and run into Maya's arms instead? Maya reasons that feelings don't disappear nor develop in a few days. This just motivates Maya to prove to Riley that Maya can be her everything instead of Lucas.

Maya finds herself staying over at Riley's apartment almost every night. Riley's parents allow it, thinking Maya's home life has gotten too hard. However, in Maya's opinion, she might be more emotionally safer back at her own empty apartment. Riley's two-faced behavior causes Maya headaches from confusion. She just tells herself that Riley with soon forget Lucas and be with Maya instead.

As time goes on, the pecks turn to open mouths and roaming hands. Maya is addicted to their arrangement like a drug. She knows that because of the withdrawal when Riley ends it.

It's a month after Maya and Riley's first kiss when Lucas asks Riley to be his girlfriend. Riley accepts giddily and it ruins Maya, but Maya still hopes that she can win. That changes when Riley sleeps on her own side that night, turned towards the wall.

All that Maya can do it suck it up. She succeeds for the most part. One afternoon, she breaks down when Farkle asks her if something is wrong. He holds her while she sobs into his shoulder, whimpering, "I just want to die."

But that just turns into another moment that she gets over by placing the blame on 'strange teen hormones'.


End file.
